


Stay Lost on the Way Home

by helpmeimsad



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Awesome Pepper Potts, Bucky Barnes Feels, Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Established Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, FUCK endgame, Fluff, M/M, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers Feels, They ALL Deserve Happiness, Tony Stark Feels, happy avengers makes me want to cry, i love them all so much, its a wedding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27531508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helpmeimsad/pseuds/helpmeimsad
Summary: Title is taken from the Panic! feat. FUN song "Come On".A Stevebucky wedding because my obsession with them is unhealthy and I had to write it. I love them and I love Avengers family. Not really an endgame fixt it more like just pretending it didn't happen. The song included in the fic and the song Steve walks down the aisle to is "The End of All Things" by Panic! At the Disco.*I do not own the characters or the song within obviously. Just enjoy writing them in scenarios where everyone is happy and ALIVE*
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Stay Lost on the Way Home

_ Whether near or far _

_ I am always yours _

Steve adjusts his bow tie in the mirror, again. His chest feels tight. In a good way? Bad way? He’s not sure. He’s staring back at his reflection intently. There’s been so much emotional buildup to this day - 90 years - that he feels like it’s impossible to process at this point. The weight of all that he and Bucky have been through to get to this point had been weighing heavily on him the past month. He’d found himself reprocessing some of the pain he’d felt throughout the years. The stabbing feeling of agony when he’d first lost Bucky. God he’d felt like he would never be able to breathe normally. Thank god he’d had Peggy. She was always such a soothing presence while managing to get his ass in gear. Still, he never really got to properly mourn his best friend's death, and he had been paying for it. After all, no matter how the history books wanted to spin it, crashing that plane was the result of a broken heart. Plain and simple. The cold that crept into his bones was searing and painful, but an odd kind of comforting numbness as well. It felt only fair after all, to fall after the love of his life did. Then waking up, the pain was so different. The sensation had been dulled in those first years as he had other things to direct attention to that were just as daunting. It felt like betrayal. To be able to live in a new world, working with the avengers, and not thinking about Bucky as much. But then of course, Bucky had come back. And that was terrifying. Steve had selfishly felt at the beginning of Bucky's recovery that it would have been easier if he had not broken free of the conditioning. Every time he walked the line of Bucky not remembering, but not being under hydra control, it felt like someone had dug his heart out with a fork. It had been a long process. A lot of silent treatment from Bucky when Steve pushed him too hard. A lot of nights crying himself to sleep when Bucky didn’t seem to care about the past. And of course a lot of therapy. He would never forget the first time Bucky told him he loved him. Deeply, truly, loved him. The way they had always loved each other apparently, but had just never had the guts to say it. He’s smiling at the memory when he hears a commotion coming up the stairs. “You know what FRIDAY, tell the videographer that if he doesn’t figure out how to rig his setup out of sight I’ll just film it myself.” “Of course sir.” Friday responds just as Tony opens the door. “Capsicle I know you’ve only got so much to work with but I didn’t think it’d take you this long to get ready. What’s the hold up? If you say cold feet I swear to god I will shove that shield up your...” Steve laughs and comes to rest his hands on Tony’s shoulders soothingly. “Relax Tony. You know if I didn’t know any better I’d think you actually cared about my wedding.” Tony smirked out a laugh and brushed Steve’s hands away. “Yeah yeah Cap. I fronted the cost of this shindig and I plan to throw a great party. Can’t do that without you. That’s all.” He approached the mirror and adjusted his own tie. Despite the jest in his words, Tony’s face was serious and tense. Steve smiled softly behind him. Their relationship had been complicated from the beginning. It was unfortunate that it had taken such a life threatening experience for them to talk out their differences, but they’d come to realize they weren’t so different, which was part of the problem. They’d been building a friendship over the past year, surprising themselves with how they got along. Tony caught the soft look on Steve’s face through the mirror and cleared his throat, turning sharply to face him and narrowing his eyes. “What the fuck did you do to your tie?” Steve is rolling his eyes now. “Oh right sorry sorry. Language. It is your day so I’ll try to watch it.” Tony’s tone was annoyingly cheeky. “But seriously how have you been up here so long and still have a crooked bowtie.” He starts tugging on the sides of Steve’s tie until he just undoes it and goes to re-tie it. Steve sighs but doesn’t say anything, just standing there and letting Tony fiddle with his bowtie. There’s a bit of a tension in the air the longer they stand there, Tony’s hands getting shakier by the second until there’s a knock on the door that makes Tony jump, and by default Steve. The door opens and Pepper steps in, clearly with something to say by her purposeful strides. She pauses momentarily in the door and smiles warmly at Steve and Tony. “Ah Pep I’m glad you came up here. Capsicle is having some trouble with his tie would you mind assisting. You’ve got such clever fingers.” Tony winks at her. Used to it by now, Pepper doesn’t even roll her eyes but steps over in front of Steve. She straightens his bowtie lightly, not that there’s really much that can be done. It doesn’t look any different than what Steve had done before. She whispers to Steve. “How’s he doing?” Steve suppresses a chuckle. “Seems a bit nervous.” “Then he’s not going to like this.” She steps back and turns to where Tony is fidgeting in front of the mirror again. “Tony, I came up here to let you know that the videographer was not very keen on being told what to do, especially by an AI. He’s packing up to leave…” “Are you fucking kidding??? That little shit! I did not fork over 20K for him to ‘not want to be told what to do! He’s my bitch for the day that’s what I’m paying for. I swear if he thinks I’m not gonna ruin his rep…” Pepper is grabbing at Tony’s swinging hands and Steve tries to tell Tony it’s fine and FRIDAY can just video the wedding, but Tony’s yelling is all that can be heard carrying down the hall. Finally Pepper gets him to still and take a deep breath. Well. As deep a breath as Tony ever takes. It’s more like a sharp gasp with bulging eyes that border on painful. “We’re going downstairs. You’ll charm the videographer, and FRIDAY will help you both find the ideal spot where he can get a good shot and not be in the way. Steve can handle himself. And I will handle you.” Tony looks at Steve with a wild look in his eyes and Steve just shrugs at Tony. “No arguments.” Pepper is saying as she guides Tony out of the room, a soothing hand on his back and a roll of her eyes at Steve who is really trying not to smile too much. Leave it to Tony to bridezilla at a wedding that wasn’t his. Not that Steve would have it any other way. Compared to where they were a few years ago, he would let Tony cancel the wedding and re-plan it if he wanted, cause it meant he cared. He shakes his head as he hears Tony’s ranting echo down the hall. A slim figure slips into the doorway next. 

Natasha’s hair is curled in a soft style away from her face. Steve thinks in passing that it looks a lot like the way Peggy would have her hair for fancy occasions. She leans against the door and crosses her arms, letting out a low wolf whistle. “Well damn I didn’t know fossils could look like that.” Steve blushes in spite of himself. Even when it’s just Natasha, he’s never gotten used to taking compliments on his appearance. In his mind he’ll always be that scrawny kid, and attention just felt unnatural. So he rolls his eyes at her. Once he and Bucky had begun planning the wedding, asking Natasha to stand beside him had been an easy choice. He hadn’t been sure if she’d be comfortable walking him down the aisle, but her answer had been a swift and enthusiastic yes. Well, as enthusiastic as Nat could be. Theirs was a unique friendship. Steve really didn’t feel like anyone else the way he did with her. They had always worked well together, even back when they hadn’t fully trusted each other. Maybe that’s why he felt so close and at ease with her. He’d had to earn her trust the same way she earned his. He was so used to a certain level of expectation from people in the person of Captain America. Natasha had never given him that in a way that was refreshing. To her, he was just another teammate who needed to prove himself and earn her respect. And he did. Since then they’d be almost inseparable. She was the one person that Steve felt he could tell anything, ask anything, and never be judged or lied to. Well, other than Bucky. But it was different with someone who Steve felt he could not care what she thought of him. She would be his friend anyways, and he had nothing to prove, and didn’t have to try and make her like him. And she definitely didn’t try to make him like her. They just… were. They smiled at each other now. Her presence made Steve feel at ease. Assured him more than anything that he was heading in the right direction, with the right people. He knew that she and Bucky had a shared life experience, in a way, and had developed their own special relationship because of it. Their friendship was one with many unspoken conversations, deeply emotional, even though they rarely spoke of their pasts. Steve was more than happy to share such a special person with Bucky, and that Bucky had found someone who understood a part of his life that Steve hadn’t been around for. “Are you ready for this?” Nat asked him with a wry smile. She knew the answer. “Your Sergeant awaits, Captain.” Steve’s smile was as bright as the sun as he took her arm.

_ Any change in time _

_ We are young again _

Bucky was standing in the wings, quietly watching people filing into the seats, facing the flower arch at the end of the aisle. Forget-me-nots. The same as the boutonnieres that he and Steve wore on their tuxes. He smiled to himself lightly. It had been his idea to do forget-me-nots. When he first mentioned it to Steve he thought it would be a good joke, but instead Steve had started crying and crushed a stunned Bucky into a hug. He had then insisted they brought it up to the other tower residents, assuming they would be on his side in that it was a bit too morbid for a wedding. Instead, he was rewarded with Nat high-fiving Bucky and Tony crying laughing, while immediately ordering as many forget-me-nots as he could. Alpine forget-me-nots, to be specific. Because Bucky had said they were the closest to matching Steve’s eyes. This had made Steve blush and try not to smile, and that was the end of the argument. Now as he watched people filing in, Bucky fiddled idly with his cufflinks. He wasn’t nervous, really. Definitely not about marrying Steve. But whenever he had to face a crowd, he always had this nagging sense that people still just saw him as the Winter Soldier. He knew from his therapist that that was really only because he himself still saw the Winter Soldier as part of him. Something about fully forgiving himself and accepting his past for what it was… he wasn’t always able to remember. Or at least that was a good excuse. So now, here he was, about to stand up in front of god and all the people he knew in the world, with Steve, who was so  _ good  _ that Bucky sometimes felt like he couldn’t be real. He exhaled softly and chewed on his bottom lip. A hand clapped over his shoulder and he jolted sharply. Sam cackled a little bit. “What buddy? Don’t tell me you’re nervous?” Bucky laughed and looked down at his feet. “Nah not scared of marriage. Just a lot of people starin’ at me. Plus the pressure of tryin’ to look good next to Steve. You know how it is.” Sam shook his head and laughed, clasping Bucky on the back of the neck. He could always tell when Bucky was deflecting away from his feelings. Thing is, he never tried to force him to confront anything, or talk about something he wasn’t ready to. Bucky knew that everyone else was doing their best around him. And he had come a long way, getting along pretty well with everyone at the tower. But not everyone knew how to handle his past with his present the way that Sam did. Around Sam he didn’t feel like had anything to prove. He could just be. Sam didn’t joke with him because he wanted to avoid accidentally bringing up trauma, like Tony did. He didn’t smile at him out of pity when Bucky covered discomfort with self deprecating humor, like Wanda and Bruce. Nat didn’t walk on eggshells around him, true, but they were a bit too similar. The shared understanding they had for each other’s pasts was comfortable. They didn’t have to speak about it. And he was grateful for that. She was also the only person who would spar with him other than Steve. But still, Sam was the one he was most comfortable with. Sam only knew him as he was now. There was no pressure of any version of himself to compete with. And sure, they bickered. They teased each other. Sometimes they actually fought. But it felt natural and comfortable and good. So now here they were, with Sam ready to stand next to Bucky as he tied his life to Steve’s. It filled Bucky’s heart full to bursting knowing that he had someone like Sam who loved him and Steve as much as he did, enough to support them in this and anything. But he would never tell Sam. He cleared his throat to try and fight the tears that were creeping up into it and shifted his feet, looking at his hands again. He and Sam both turned at the same time as the sound of Tony’s squabbling drew near them, along with Pepper quietly shushing him, and Bruce trailing silently along behind them. They turned then and Tony came up to grasp Bucky in a tight hug. “Ugh, Tin Man. Your wedding nearly fell apart and the bride was halfway out the window when I went to zip up her dress. But fear not! For I have saved the day!” Pepper rolled her eyes and Bucky just smiled at her. Tony’s nerves had been an entirely different thing to deal with leading up to the day, but Bucky wouldn’t change it, knowing the words underneath the fretting that Tony couldn’t say out loud. “Well shucks man, what would we do without you!” He mumbled the last bit quietly to Tony, squeezing him just a little tighter in the hug he’d pulled him into, before pulling back and giving him a sincere smile. Tony guffawed at him and shrank away, clearing his throat roughly. Pepper smiled at Bucky warmly and Bruce came up behind them to lightly touch Sam on the shoulder. “Are we ready gentlemen?” He shifted the folder he was holding lightly and looked between the two of them. Despite his calm and even slightly submissive demeanor, his eyes were sparkling as they landed on Bucky. Even though the look usually made Bucky feel like he should apologize for something, today it made something bubble in his chest? Excitement? Yeah, that was it. 

_ Lay us down _

_ We're in love _

_ We're in love _

A quiet hum fell over the seats. They’d managed to keep it relatively small, considering. No reporters, no cameras, no one but friends and the family they’d created. Tony and Pepper sat on the left side of the aisle, joined by Peter, Aunt Mae and Thor who was now permanently living in the tower, after leaving New Asgard save with Valkyrie. On the right, sat Wanda tucked under Visions arm, with Clint, Hill and Fury filling out the row. Bruce slipped in quietly from the side up to the altar, followed then by Sam and Bucky. The group grew quiet. Bucky tried to stop fidgeting with his fingers and looked at the faces looking back at him. Tony and Pepper were whispering quietly at each other. Peter was shooing at Aunt Mae’s hand as she tried to straighten his tie and collar unsuccessfully. Wanda was laughing very softly as Vision whispered something to her and caressed her hand. Clint was talking animatedly to Thor in ASL and smirking to himself, knowing Thor wouldn’t follow how fast he was talking. And Thor, he was looking right at Bucky. He gave him a bright grin and two thumbs up in his lap, clearly trying to not break the earthly social rule of breaking the silence. It was that grin that put Bucky at ease. Thor reminded him of Steve, even though he would never say it out loud. The same sense of duty to people, the same desire to use his strength to save and care for whoever he could, the same deep love for his friends. It was at that moment, that Bruce signaled back towards the doors, and the music started to fill the hall as true silence fell over the crowd. Bucky’s breath got stuck high in his throat. The doors fell open. 

_ In these coming years _

_ Many things will change _

Steve was shifting restlessly from one foot to the other. He could hear people murmuring on the other side of the doors. He wondered where his friends were sitting. What they were doing. Would they be talking with each other? Laughing and joking? Or quietly enjoying the moment that was giving him anxiety for some reason. This moment had been so long in the making that he suddenly wasn’t sure he could bear it. His emotions had been enhanced, along with his body, when he’d received the serum. He felt things more deeply, strongly, than he had before. But the truth was that he had always felt so intensely for Bucky that when he had been small, he worried it would break him. He had been in love with Bucky since he was 13. He’d fallen for a kind, silly, charming boy with a sweet smile and a sparkle in his grey eyes. No one had cared for him like Bucky. Every fight, every scrape and black eye, every ailment. Bucky had always been there. He’d never told Steve to back down from a fight. He’d simply picked him up, pressed his lips into that thin worried line, and cleaned him up, telling him to be more careful next time. Bucky had been there to soothe him when his mother died, even though Steve had tried his very best to push him away. It was unsurprising that when Bucky left with the army, Steve did everything he could to follow him. What would he do without Bucky? He’d told him too many times that he could get by on his own. And he could. Get by. But Bucky was the only one it seemed, who always knew that there was something under the surface with Steve. The others in the tower were learning, slowly, that despite the optimism, the strength, the determination, Steve sometimes felt like he was falling. Crumbling under the weight that he alone placed on himself. And yet Bucky, Bucky always knew when Steve wasn’t okay. Even when he’d been recovering, barely sleeping due to night terrors, he had seen right through Steve, and offered to hold him, when he knew he needed it. Steve truly didn’t deserve him. He promised Bucky and himself every night, that he would do whatever he could to be there for Bucky, the way Bucky was for him without even trying. He felt a hand on his arm, breaking the reverent silence he had fallen into. He looked down to Nat’s soft smile. “Ready, soldier?” He sucked in a breath and nodded. They turned, linking arms, his hand grasping Nat’s inside his elbow tightly. The doors fell open. 

_ But the way I feel _

_ Will remain the same _

Everyone was standing and facing the doors. The crowd was completely silent. The piano music drifted across the hall. Bucky’s breath caught high in his throat. Steve gripped tightly onto Nat’s hand. Their eyes met across the aisle and time stopped. Steve felt like Nat had to drag him down the aisle. His breaths were coming sharp and fast. He had a very vague sense of people looking at him, smiling at him. But he only has eyes for Bucky. His heart feels like it could burst out of his chest. Bucky smiled at him gently, a soft mist in his grey eyes making them look stormy, and Steve was ready to be swept away in them. They stopped in front of Sam and Bucky, pausing to let the song finish. Sam swiped a tear from his cheek and straightened his tie. Nat sniffs a little beside Steve. The moment seems frozen in time. A crescendo to 90 years of buildup. The first soft drops of a rain storm ending 90 years of drought. They lock eyes for what feels like an eternity, and the music fades out. Steve feels like he has a cloud in his head. Bruce addresses the crowd and begins the ceremony. Though they may be an nontraditional couple, they’ve kept as traditional of a ceremony as they could. It starts to pass in a blur. Nat jokingly, but sincerely, “gives Steve away”, placing a kiss on his cheek and whispering, “I love you, you deserve it”, before placing his hand in Bucky’s. Bucky’s fingers are warm and soft - and cold and firm - in Steve’s. Bucky’s touch is grounding and Steve’s nerves get replaced with a warmth spreading all the way down to his toes. Now that his nerves have dissipated, Steve can’t stop smiling at Bucky. Somewhere in the back of his mind he registers how dumb he must look grinning the way his is. Or that maybe he should be paying attention to what Bruce is saying. But looking at the way Bucky’s eyes are searching his face and keep drifting to his lips is making his brain feel like soup. He wonders if Bucky is having trouble focusing the way that he is and then suddenly it’s time to exchange vows. Steve had asked to read his vows first, as he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to hold it together through Bucky’s. Now he was feeling incredibly nervous and fidgety and wondering if that was such a good idea. But he takes the small slip of paper when Bruce hands it to him, crumpling the edges with how tight he’s holding it. He takes a shaky breath and Bucky reaches to squeeze his wrist very lightly. And suddenly Steve’s not nervous anymore. 

“Bucky, 

For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been caring for me. You have taken me in sickness and health, richer or poorer, till death, long before I ever knew how much I loved you. I know I could never possibly give you the love and care that you deserve, but I will spend the rest of my life trying my hardest to be there for you the way you’ve always been there for me. I know that I don’t make your life easier and I never have, but I vow to try and make it better. I would be nothing without you. I’m with you till the end.”

They’re short and sweet. Steve knew if he’d tried to write any more or share any memories he wouldn’t be able to hold himself together. Even now as he finishes, he looks to see Bucky biting his lip so hard it looks like it might bleed, and he feels his eyes getting misty. Bucky lets out the breath he was holding and reaches for the paper that Bruce is handing him. Taking it in his right hand he reaches for Steve’s hand with the other, holding his fingers gently. 

“Steve,

I’ve loved you since I was 13 and didn’t know what love was. All I knew was that I couldn’t go a second longer without you beside me. You have truly captured my heart. I could say so much about what we have been through to get to this point, but really all that matters is that I’d do it again, a thousand times, just have you beside me. You make life worth living. I vow to cherish you and be here with you, till the end of the line. You could never get rid of me.” 

Steve feels like he could choke trying to keep from sobbing. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t get too emotional but god does Bucky make it hard. A single tear slips down his cheek and Bucky raises a metal finger to delicately brush it away, his hand lingering on Steve’s cheek for just a moment. Bruce moves them on to exchanging rings. Simple silver bands etched on the inside with the inscription “till the end”. A simple promise they’d made to each other so many years ago. Looking back now Steve isn’t quite sure how they didn’t realize the lines sounded so much like wedding vows. The promise had not felt so weighted at the time. It was simply the truth. As long as they were alive they would be there for each other. Steve slips Bucky’s ring over his metal finger, trying to contain the fact that at this point he just wants the ceremony to be over so they can have a moment alone. Bucky slips Steve’s ring on before raising his hand to his lips for a delicate kiss, and Steve feels his breath getting stuck in his chest, his heart beating a mile a minute. Finally, Bruce pronounces them. Steve doesn’t have time to catch his breath before Bucky’s hands are bracketing his face and tugging him forward to seal the promise with a kiss. Steve grips Bucky’s waist so hard he’s afraid he might rip his tux. And the crowd erupts into a cheer. 

_ Lay us down _

_ We're in love _

_ We're in love _


End file.
